Ask The Sexpert: Just How Can Lesbians Have Reliable Sex? | GO Magazine

Lately, I’ve been witnessing some various health resources and neighborhood frontrunners speak about exactly how lesbians have no need for condoms whatsoever in their gender methods. And this idea in all honesty perplexes myself! Each time we see clearly someplace, I pause and think

huh? Where did these people get their much safer sex details from?

This is exactly part of more substantial societal issue in that lesbian, queer and bi women are frequently left behind inside the conversation about sexual health and STIs. It really is as though men and women believe

STIs

merely originate from penises hence lesbian, queer and bisexual women do not actually

have

penises.

Information flash:
STIs tends to be handed down in many different steps
. Through skin to epidermis get in touch with. From rectal intercourse. From dental sex. From sharing sex toys. Pretty much almost any intercourse that you’re having, it’s probably that STIs may possibly end up being handed down, from one individual to another. It’s also important to remember that lesbian, queer and bisexual females occasionally have penises. Or sometimes we utilize dildos during sex. As well as both a dildo and a penis, condoms may be used as a barrier solution to decrease the likelihood of STIs being passed away.

In de-stigmatizing STIs, it is important to observe that it isn’t really the conclusion the entire world should you sample positive for an STI. Your life as well as your sex life aren’t over. If we can gain access to this type of safer gender info, subsequently we could all grow and discover together—and have significantly more pleasurable intercourse!

We’ve already spoken of
various shield practices
that lesbian, queer and bisexual females may use whenever sex together. And yes, condoms are included when it comes to those choices. You can utilize condoms as a barrier whenever having a penis in pussy or when having
anal intercourse
, when you are making use of a masturbator or dildo, and you will additionally cut a condom along the center (with scissors) if you need a dental dam for analingus or oral sex. As soon as we inform women that sleep together with other females they you should not

want

condoms to rehearse safer gender, our company is perpetuating this myth that our sex is actually intrinsically safe from any STIs getting discussed.

Many of my personal lesbian, queer and bisexual buddies often have a good laugh exactly how they don’t practice better intercourse. We hear queer females make laughs about dental care dams and just how they never have once utilized all of them. All this can make myself question whom in our neighborhood carry out in fact practice safer sex? And if our company isn’t using barrier techniques, tend to be we next having detailed discussions about the sexual health before we f*ck? Are we consistently prioritizing getting analyzed between all of our associates? And not a pap smear (
because that doesn’t cover it all
), but like getting an entire progress up?

Really don’t say any kind of this are judgmental, whatsoever. I’ve already been that woman to laugh about dental dams. I have in addition got one night appears where i did not prioritize me personally or my personal lover’s sexual wellness. But I want all of us accomplish better. I’d like united states to be able to have genuine, nuanced talks about all of our intimate wellness. As it does matter, girls. And I want to get previous laughing about dental care dams and shrugging off condoms as a choice.

Frequently within this dialogue, I get expected

well, can you imagine I would like to use a dental care dam but she doesn’t believe’s beautiful?

This worry is really so extensive that personally i think like a lot of lesbian, queer and bisexual women are even scared to ask their particular partners to practice better gender. But let me tell you a queer woman key, receiving dental gender through a dental dam is beautiful and seems remarkable. In fact, anyone it certainly changes things for will be the person offering the oral. It’s a little bit various of a personal experience, but the one that you will get utilized to! It’s sexy your person getting because 1. you’re both prioritizing both’s intimate wellness, which is hot AF and 2. during my honest opinion, it nevertheless seems pleasurable as f*ck.

I also know-how difficult it may be to carry in the discussion of STIs just before make love, particularly if you’ve never ever had intercourse with this person before. The one thing i have discovered within my numerous years of messily navigating intercourse and interactions is once I talk to somebody concerning the sort of intercourse the two of us want and about what method of barriers we want to use—We have wayyyy better gender. Like I’m not claiming this because i am a sex nerd. I am letting you know my sincere queer girl fact. Sex is most effective whenever you discuss desire as well as your figures 1st.

Why don’t we break it down.

You and this prospective hookup don’t know both’s systems however. Every single person features their desires and ticks and techniques, that change them the f*ck on. And while you could potentially play a guessing online game as long as you’re having sexual intercourse to figure out what ~feels good~ because of this brand new person, you might instead, talk about it beforehand. Actually it fun to f*ck somebody how they want to be f*cked? Then chances are you already know the go-to place on their behalf, for which you need to build to and the ways to encourage them to end up being putty in your hand.

Regarding speaing frankly about just what barriers and/or toys you want to make use of as long as you’re having sex—a significant men and women believe it’s awesome maybe not gorgeous and takes all fun from it. But envision if you are having sexual intercourse nevertheless entire time you’re stressed because you actually desired to make use of a dental dam but didn’t can tell the lady that and so now you can’t have a climax since you’re therefore in your thoughts about perhaps not speaking upwards for your requirements? That’s no fun for anybody, trust me. When you get that dialogue out-of-the-way prior to beginning sex, then you certainly already know just to choose the condom when using your strap-on or whether she is cool with fluid connecting or perhaps not. These are typically vital components of gender and then we must not dismiss them.

I have research for many of you looking over this immediately. The next time you are having a new hookup with someone, try to incorporate some of these discussions before you strike the bedsheets and see what the results are. We gamble you that you will possess some mind-blowing consensual safer gender!

Got any intercourse concerns? Go ahead and reach: Corinne@gomag.com!